Worried about that not-so-distinct mole? Has an online search led you to believe that you re suffering from neurodermatitis, nasal polyps, or elephantitis? Do you slather on a bottle of sanitizer daily or avoid others like they have the plague? Don t quarantine yourself just yet trust your own eyes! Thanks to the help and humor of Paul Kleinman, you can learn and laugh about what you ve got and what you re coming down with, all by looking at your body. Prognoses include:

• Dry, brittle hair is a symptom of hypothyroidism. Looks like you re running low on hormones or moisturizing shampoo. . . .
• White patches on your feet could mean you have pitted keratolysis. Great, so a colony of bacteria decided to move in or you forgot to use your antiperspirant again. . .
• A rash from cheek to cheek could be a sign of lupus. Don t fret your insides might be at war with an inflammatory disease or you may just need a higher SPF . . .
• Drawn from real tenets of traditional medicine, modern research, and alternative practices, this tongue-in-cheek health guide will scratch your cyberchondriac s itch for information.